What would you change if you could go back in time?.......

It’s something that I have quite often thought about and quite frankly wished to happen over and over and over again. Sadly life doesn't come with a rewind button…but what if it did?

Our experiences in life shape who we are and who we become. So if you could change the outcome of things would you then change your fundamental personality?

And if you could change them, would you want to go back and relive the experience making a different choice and carrying on from that point on, OR would you want to go back to a single moment, change it using the knowledge that you've already learned from the outcome? I think personally, I would like to go back to with the knowledge and then step back into my own life and see how it went.

I’m not talking about time travel in the sense of going back to significant events in history etc. I’m talking purely about each of our lives.

And even more trippy- what if there is an alternate universe out there for each choice that we make, causing thousands and thousands of possibilities…(Yeah, I watched a lot of Star Trek, so what?)

Would you still date a specific person, still be afraid of things you always wanted to try, still spend 150 bucks on those ripped jeans you've always wanted because they were “cool”? (No I did not do that, but I know someone who did)

Personally, there a quite a few “forks in the road” where I wish I had made different choices, especially knowing the specific outcomes and the pain they've caused.

BUT suppose that pain is necessary? What then would it be like if we all went through life with no pain?

So, for argument's sake let’s limit it to only a few choices allowed per lifetime. Let’s say two every ten years.

Mine would be:

1-10     I would not have punched my friend Jeff in the face because he tried to kiss me under a blanket in his underoos. I just wanted to play He-Man and She-Ra. That was perhaps a little harsh of a reaction to someone I considered my bud.

(I know I get another one for 1-10 but I’m old and my memory ain't what it used to be. I’m sure there is probably something though)

10-20: Grade 6- Said friend Jeff’s father committed suicide sadly and children being the insensitive little shitheads that they are teased him about it. He got angry (deservedly so) and got in a fight, with the whole grade 6 class standing in a circle cheering for the other guy. Jeff was my bud but not exactly an experienced fighter (I could beat the kid up) but I regret soooooo much that I stood there and did nothing. That one still haunts me to this day. I also regret that we lost touch and I have no idea where he is or what he is doing.

10-20: Pretty much any moment in junior high/ high school where I thought being cool and part of the “in” crowd was everything. I was a huge nerd, I stuttered, I was chubby and shy and had glasses that pretty much took up my whole face and frizzy hair. I always looked at the girls in my grade and wondered how they were sooo skinny, and had shiny, pretty hair, and perfect eyebrows and how did they get their makeup sooo perfect?

I spent a lot of time feeling bad about myself because of it. BUT as many of us nerdlings know- we tend to peak after high school, while many of the A group descend into oblivion. So, would you want to have 3-4 great years and a lifetime after of crap OR 3-4 years of crap and then a lifetime of wonderful experiences?

20-30: Good lord there are way tooo many here. BUT since I have to limit it to two……

The first one would be the moment where I convinced myself that eating my feelings was the answer to my problems. That one is just self-explanatory.

The second one would be that when my Grammy died- I was too sensitive and freaked out to spend her last moments with her and my family. I went and hid with my friends. I have always regretted that, and it gnaws at me a little every now and again.

30-40: I’m only 32 and I think I already got my first one. I’ll try to be careful from now on though because I have 8 years to find my second one.

This one I've debated back and forth because it is about a relationship and I wonder at what point in the year of bad and heartache I should have made the different choice.

As many of you know, I have talked about Crypto (a.k.a The Scab) a lot, and to be honest it still really pisses me off if I think about it. Sometimes I wish I’d never met the guy- but then I’d have missed those few really awesome moments that there were. So I don’t think it would have been at that point. I don’t even think I’d change the way we got together even though it was wrong. I think what I would go back and change was the moment he broke up with his gf the second time and immediately came running to me. My spidey sense was tingling the whole time and I didn't listen. I convinced myself that this person who said the only obstacle to us “being together” was that he had a gf was now no longer an issue, and"this time" things would be different.So despite my intuition I welcomed him back into my life. And a week later, I found out through Facebook that he had a new gf. I have to be honest and say that one stung like a fu*k*ing bitch- especially after waiting for someone for a year-so I think that is the moment I would change. The minute I got that text- I should have followed my instincts and told him to take a hike. Wouldn't have changed the fact that we didn't end up together, but at least I wouldn't have walked around like a zombie for the next 6 months. I would have felt good about my choice, because it was mine to make!

So that’s enough of me blabbing on I guess. I’d be curious to see if anyone has any profound moments they’d change if they could.

Until next time

Ciao