I went on a 4 day trip with my mother and she's still alive.....

I am on vacation this week-and although my job is not particularly hard or stressful, it’s always nice to have a break!

 I work at a place that has sweet benefits including very nice deals with certain hotels in the area. So, in the spirit of generosity to my darling mother, I decided to ask her if she wanted to go to Jasper since she never gets to go anywhere.

Much to my surprise she said yes.........

So, we plan it for the weekend before my week off, because quite frankly, after vacationing with my mother, I knew I’d need a holiday.

 

She arrives here Friday night and we go out for dinner. Usually mom does not drink, because she’s the cheapest drunk I’ve ever seen, but for some reason she must have felt she needed to let loose....okay fine, I can drive, not a big deal.

 

Well after her 1.5 beers, that was apparently as loose as she needed to be. I remember thinking it odd when she started giggling .....then she kept staring at the bartender.....I believe she called him “yummy”? That’s when I knew......I was having dinner with Tipsy McGee.

 

So Saturday morning we get up and get ready and head out to Jasper. We took mom’s car which is actually super uncomfortable but compared to my little tin can shaker it’s a freaking limo...

We arrive, and it’s raining...boo....but we check in and we got a free upgrade.....yaay! We go to our room and there is a screaming child in the room next to us...boo....but they left the next day...yaay!

We got cleaned up and went to dinner. Then we begin to plan our weekend....

Me: “Do you want to go hiking?”

Mom: “No”

Me: “Do you want to go walking”

Mom: “No”

Me: “ Do you know what you want to do?”

Mom: “No” (I had to put my steak knife down by this point.....)

Me: “Do you want to go shopping and to the spa?”

Mom: “Yes”

Me: “Then perhaps we should have booked an appointment....”

 After a very expensive, not that great supper we were both tired (or had too much wine) and decided to go to bed.

I always knew my mother snored but she said she had earplugs for me so I wouldn’t wake up.....

 HA!

 I fell asleep first since I sleep like a stone and I figured once I was out I wouldn’t hear her anyway. Nope, I woke up just as she was falling asleep. I have never in my life heard noises like that.  I decided, in the three hours that I laid there listening that she has many different kinds of snores. There’s the “cutesy little lady” snore with the murmur at the end, there’s the “I’m rolling onto my side “snore, the “I’m on my back sucking all the air out of the room “snore and my FAVORITE, the “chainsaw that won’t quite start....”

I was a little frightened when she actually appeared to quit breathing at one point, but am slightly ashamed to admit I briefly thought “Oh thank God, maybe NOW I can get some sleep “ but she started the chainsaw up again and was back in business.

 

I tried the earplugs, I really did.....I shoved them soo far in my ears that I swear I smelled burnt toast (inside joke for Canucks I think) and I could STILL hear her.

She wakes up Sunday morning, stretches, smiles, and says “Oh, I had a such a good sleep”

I look at her with my bloodshot eyes and say “I very much dislike you right now”

So we get up and go for breakfast. For the $14 dollars we paid for the buffet you better believe we took stuff back in our purses....

We got into the spa at the last minute which was nice, and I think I had the best facial I’ve ever had in my life!!! It was so relaxing.

We then decided to drive around and go shopping (still raining btw). I have never been to Jasper before, but apparently there is no shopping......

So we sort of just drove around and then went for supper.

Thankfully I was so exhausted by Sunday night that I actually slept through the chainsaws.

Monday morning was checkout day, and for once it wasn’t raining....it was snowing instead....

So we packed up, checked out and were on our way home.

Mom said she had fun, and she asked if I did too, I said “Yes, but I’m kind of bummed I didn’t get to go hiking”

Mom said “Oh, well it’s too dangerous Tortie, the bears would eat our brains, well first they swat you, and then they eat your brains”

Me:” How do you know that they do that?”

Mom: “I don’t know, they just do.......”

Me:” Okaaaay”

Mom:” Thank you for not smothering me with my pillow during the night”

Me: “You are welcome....”

It was all worth it for this view though