Here we go ‘round the mulberry bush…..

So, it’s been about nine months since my last post and although some interesting things have happened, most people probably wouldn’t be that interested.

So, what I decided to write about today is Tinder. It’s a crapshoot even on its best day. At least it is for me. I have heard stories of people who’ve met their “soul mates” on it, but I’ve never actually seen any of these people, nor heard them shouting from the rooftop “I found my true love in a catalogue like application where we are judged solely on how we look!”

This however has not stopped me from participating. The problem I’ve had with most of the men though is that they are a) chicken shits who won’t message the girl first and b) nobody is looking for anything “serious”-which I get, it’s Tinder.

I was comfortable in that knowledge and have basically used the app to talk to people and fill up some time in my evenings.

Then came along Antonio …..

His name isn’t really that but you get the gist…super good looking, successful, Latin and….

ONE OF THE CREEPIEST DUDES I HAVE EVER SPOKEN TO!!

I’ve talked to my fair share of dummies and assholes but never someone who has totally changed my point of view of them in one day.

Let me tell you what happened:

Tinder: “Congratulations you have a match” followed immediately by a hello from him. I think that’s off to an ok start because most guys don’t even say hi. So small talk happens for a bit and it’s going ok and then “give me your number” to which I replied “um no” More small talk, felt a little more comfy so ended up giving it out (thank GOD there is call blocking) with the warning that if I get a shot of his junk I’m outie.

Much to my surprise conversation continued ok for a bit. He calls me “babe”, I freak out and then think oh maybe that’s like a culture thing, I guess I’ll let it slide” Then he says “let me phone you” (do people use the phone anymore?) I say “OK give me five minutes” to which he immediately phones. Ok now I’m starting to get a little pissed off. So he phones and we chat for a bit and it was super awkward and that’s why people prefer texts.

Go about my business of the day and later on I get a text from Antonio.  So small talk continues and I’m noticing he’s actually quite bossy and pushy and I DON’T LIKE THAT!! So I chat for a bit, ignoring his creepy comments as best I can, thinking how to end the conversation because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  Even creepy people could have them.

Just some of the comments I let slide:

“It is babe. Be confident. I know you are and please your man” and yes I’m typing exactly as he did. I indicated I was actually quite confident but wasn’t quite sure what the please your man thing meant. Is it a “do what you say, fetch your slippers kind of thing” or something else; which I later learned meant “make you happy” Slightly less creepy but still odd.

Then there was “I just want you to put in effort like I do to please u” This was after a few short worded answers hoping he would get the hint. By now he has mentioned we should date exclusively and has ordered me to do quite a few things already. This is not flying well with me so I figure I’ll deal with it in the morning and say goodnight

I inform him of this and the response is “Install snapchat, it will be fun to share daily moments” or translation “I want to know where you at all times because you are going to be a piece of property”

Hey Tony- your chauvinism is showing; you might want to at least try to cover it up….

I don’t answer because by now I’m totally turned off from ever speaking to this person again. As my friends and family know-that shit does not fly well with me.

This morning I wake up to two texts from Antonio. 1) Knock Knock  (WTF does that even mean-that’s what someone says before they stab you to death) and the second about 15 mins after “ Already slept babe?”, which I took to mean “are you sleeping yet person I have never met?”

So, needless to say after taking a look to see if somehow he was hiding in my closet, I unmatched him and blocked his number.

Ladies-always trust your gut; I don’t want to see you on Dateline

Of course now that the “trauma” is over, I find the story hilariously funny-hence the posting. Thanks to RG for the idea- it feels great to be writing again.

Thanks for stopping by!